purposeful
by busy pushing up daisies
Summary: Sesshomaru knows nothing of the dead. A sword doesn't change that.


For a man who owns a sword that brings back lives Sesshomaru knows nothing of the dead.

* * *

Unmerciful teeth sink into her shoulder, ripping out flesh. The pain is instantaneous, a strange burning feeling tingles along her neck, travelling to the rest of her organs and it feels like there's a big gaping hole where there used to be skin.

The wolf backtracks, growling to its companions and they disappear, leaving her mauled body in the middle of a pathway. She doesn't know why they left and it's a shame to know you died on a whim. Perhaps she tastes unsatisfactory. She'll never know.

She holds no grudges, though. This was the circle of life and she would be a hypocrite to hate them for it. What would that mean to the countless fish and animals she killed to survive? At least she didn't waste the food.

Death comes quickly, an angel despite its purpose, setting her free from the burden of the physical world. A cold hand settles on her neck, like a greeting from an old friend which was nonexistent in her old life, but it's funny because at the end she finally dreams.

The dream starts pleasantly at first glance. She's in a meadow, picking flowers for someone who bears no name, but what does that matter, its _flowers._ As she's contemplating over whether she should make a bouquet of mixed flowers or a simple colored one a shadow casts over her. She blinks up from her task, perplexed as why someone would be there because it's her dream.

Her eye widens at what she finds, the flowers slip from her cold fingers, momentarily forgotten. Her reflection stares back at her, a mirrored copy, but it insists that she is the copy and Rin's head starts to hurt.

"Look what you got us into," the other girl says, hands intertwined behind her back, a habit of Rin's that she finds strange on someone else, except that someone else is her so where does that leave them?

"Where do you think we are?" the other says, a scowl on her face, hands on hips, eyes searching Rin's.

Rin cannot say. Suddenly, the other girl looks at her with a pitying look, a look that Rin particularly hates but it only gives her a weird feeling coming from her own face.

"Oh right, you can't talk." Had Rin sound sounded like that when her vocal chords had still worked, before _that_ incident? So conceited. She's glad she can't talk, sometimes people just like hearing the sound of their own voice echoed back at them.

"Listen," the other girl says, as if negotiating, and wraps a hand around Rin's shoulders, "you _do _know where we are, right?"

Rin nods, obviously in her dream. She forgot how she got here though. But it didn't matter, she'd wake up soon, and it'll be like a refreshing wake up call.

The other girl cocks her head to the side, listening intently to something Rin cannot comprehend. Finally she turns to Rin with a mournful sigh and sets both hands on Rin's shoulders, as if delivering bad news. Rin starts to hate the dream and its contents.

"We're dead, if you must know."

The words settle in Rin's brain like an uninvited guest, unwanted but inevitably there. She starts to remember and slowly she starts to fear.

"But you see," the girl continues, holding up one finger to show her point, "I have the _strangest_ inkling that that's about to change."

Rin's frowns, confused. One time in the village she overheard the village healer whispering about something messing with the mind, something called a _subconscious_. Was that what the other girl was? A chattering phantom within her mind, insisting upon radical propositions.

"Unfortunately," the other girl says, grabbing Rin and spinning her around until the world spun on its hinges, "for this change to happen, I also need to change something." She put the emphasis on I and stopped Rin's spinning just in time for her to spot a crazed look in the other's eyes. The hair on the back of Rin's neck starts to rise and sweat starts to pool on her forehead.

Rin shakes free of the other's hands but the copy doesn't seem to mind, smiling at Rin.

"I never struck myself as shy, but then again we're a little different, wouldn't you say?"

Rin doesn't answer, backpedaling it away from the strange crazy girl. Rin knows the other girl isn't a copy of herself now. She's much worse.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Despite the distant growing between them Rin can still hear the words ring in her head clearly. Sweet, like a chime. "I forgot you can't speak."

The phantom appears in front of her abruptly and Rin screeches to a stop almost comically, dust kicking up at her feet. She has an apologetic look on her face as she stares at Rin.

"I just want to see the world a little, please?"

Rin shakes her head furiously. The other girl's face breaks into a disappointed frown.

"I don't need your permission!" And then the ground disappears from underneath them and it's just darkness and each other's company. The abyss is long and cold and Rin's falling, falling, falling.

It feels like an eternity in the inky blackness, with insults hurtling at her form every turn, Rin starts to feel cold. The frostiness creeps through her skin silkily, raising goose bumps and her lips start to turn blue.

From above her, she spots the other girl smiling with giddiness, floating. The smile can only mean one thing. Rin was losing. That was not acceptable. But what could she do? Her breath puffs out like a fan in front of her, a visible sign of the temperature.

And then there's a light. Blind warmth peeking out from behind the other girl. And as the shine blesses Rin with its presence she feels heat on her face and color return to her cheeks. The other girl sends her a smug look and fear swells in Rin's chest.

"Goodbye!" the other girl yells down to her prone form on the ground. No no no.

The other girl pivots to meet the light and it envelopes her, like a long lost friend, before dissipating entirely, the other girl with it. No no no. They'll realize, she chants silently, when they realized she could speak they would know something was wrong and and and-

Rin starts to shiver. A cold sympathetic hand settles on her neck, silent condolences whispered.

Death leaves no one unscathed. You might think you've beaten it. You've only lost your mind.

A sword does nothing.

* * *

Rin- s_he's_ the real Rin, she insists, the other girl that lay freezing on the ground was a carbon copy, a clone- flutters open her eyelashes, greeting life. She sees a man, pretty purple marking sketched on his cheeks and a crescent moon on his forehead. His silver hair surrounds his face like a halo.

He stares at her for a moment before setting Rin on her feet and turning around. She stares at his retreating back in awe. And she starts to remember.

A small imp beside her mutters about tests and servitude. She ignores him and treads after the silver haired man. He granted her life.

…

Master Jaken tells her she talks too much. She thinks she understands. But she can't stop. Because that was the key difference, she recalls. The ability to speak. The other girl couldn't do that, could she? Muted by the traumatizing events of Rin's past. Rin doesn't know why. But she always has this strange feeling that she'll fall asleep as Rin and the other girl would wake up.

That couldn't happen could it? She talks to make sure, needs to hear her own voice for confirmation that yes, you're Rin and that other girl didn't wake up for vengeance. If she had asked anyone for their opinion, they might've said she was insecure.

But she didn't and so she keeps talking.

…

The beast whips out of the lady's (that looked vaguely like Sesshomaru) necklace with a growl and feasts it's eyes upon Rin and Kohaku before it's jaws snap around them. A strange feeling of déjà vu sweeps through Rin and her eyes close despite protests.

…

She's standing on a bridge, staring down at her reflection in the water where it dances. She forgets what she's waiting for. Rin just knows that she's waiting.

A face pops up beside her in the water and Rin swivels around so fast her hair whips her in the face. She swallows audibly.

Another girl is staring at Rin, now. A very familiar girl.

"I thought you died." Rin finally whispers voice bleak and weary.

The other girl cocks her head to the side, a very familiar gesture among the unfamiliar setting, and replies. "I never died."

Rin's eyes widen.

"Well, I guess you could say I died," the other girl corrects herself, staring at Rin with obstructed eyes, "since you died and we're here now." She gestures to the surroundings and Rin surveys the location. They were standing on a bright red bridge that led to nowhere.

Rin's eyes snap to the other girl when she made a sudden movement, turns out she was just leaning over the railing, elbows drawn, staring down at the water.

Rin doesn't let her guard down; she knows where this is going. She's done it before.

"You can speak." Rin says cautiously, eyes never wavering.

"Since I was born." The other girl retorts, not looking up.

Rin studies the other girl's frame, the rough raven hair, the kimono that Lord Sesshomaru had gifted Rin. _Rin_ she repeats, not this other girl. The bare feet.

"I doubt you could talk when you were a baby."

The other girl straightens then, throws Rin an amused look, "We both know I wasn't born a baby."

There's a tense silence as they both size each other up. The other girl's eyes widen suddenly in surprise and then her laughter broke the silence.

"What?" Rin finally growls through the other girl's chortles. What's so funny?

The other girl manages to straighten through her dying laughter, wiping away a tear of mirth.

"You actually think you're Rin?"

Rin brows furrow in frustration. The other girl laughs again.

"I can't believe it!" she scoffs, "I thought it was a little strange with the 'this Rin' that and stuff. I thought you were just copying that Sesshomaru." Rin's eye narrows at the informal speech.

The other girl's laughter halts abruptly and she stares at Rin with cold brown eyes, "I hate to break it to you, but you're not. You are not Rin. You're just a failed experiment."

Rin's heart starts to beat faster, fear wriggling in her stomach and clambering up to her chest.

The other girl cocks her head to the side again, listening to something that's incomprehensible before turning bright eyes to Rin.

"It's almost time." The bridge vanishes without a sound and Rin splashes into the water with a yelp. Something hard is pushing her down, a tight hold on her shoulder, push push push.

Water fills her lungs and her breath uselessly escapes her, bubbles rising to the surface, a devastating visible thing that almost makes Rin cry. She can make her face just above the surface, the water makes it dance and blur, but Rin knows who it is.

Rin's losing. Rin knows this and it pumps adrenaline through her veins, makes her grasp the cruel hand on her shoulder and struggle free. Kicking and snarling she breaks out of her gilded cage, takes a long awaited gasp of air.

The other girl looks shocked, a 'that was unexpected' face holding her in place. In her moment of distraction Rin's fingers wrap around her tiny throat and squeezes. Just keep squeezing.

Claws rip at Rin's fingers, nails digging into skin, drawing blood. It doesn't change anything. Rin screws her eyes tightly, unmerciful. Rin doesn't let go, even as tears well up from the pain. Rin will never let go!

A cool hand settles at the base of her neck, skeletal and unforgiving. Rin's eyes widen and her hands drop listlessly to her side.

In the end, she lets go.

In the end, we are all servants of Death.

* * *

This Rin's eyes draws open hesitantly, soft and unsure. She coughs into her palm, and she can almost feel the hands on her again. Desperation spurring the other girl to purpose. But the other forgot her original purpose. To die.

Something cups her cheek. For a moment, fear keeps her frozen, eyes wide with terror as a cold hand touches her face. It's not what she thinks though.

A man stares down at her, golden eyes bright.

"Lord…Sesshomaru?" Rin inquires softly, despite her purpose she forgets what his face looks like.

"You're fine now."

"Yes," she answers the question that not's a question with a grateful smile. Ignorance is bliss.

And when he places a chilling hand on her shoulder, almost smiling, she doesn't tell him how uncomfortable it makes her feel.

…

This Rin is not as devoted to Sesshomaru as the other. So when the old woman suggests she stay in the village she agrees without question.

She avoids his eyes though.

…

When it happens Rin does not cry. She knew it would come eventually. Instead, she smiles.

Kaede says it's an incurable disease. No herbal medicinal mixes will help her now. Kagome curses, says they had a cure back in the 'present'.

"It's ironic," the old woman says, "I thought I'd die first." Rin avoids her eyes.

She's lying on a futon when he comes. He looks the same as the last time she saw him, carrying with him a regal air, and sits quietly beside her. He doesn't take her hand or whisper words of comfort into her ears or start spouting how much he'll miss her like a certain fox demon.

Rin can hear Jaken bawling outside and she almost feels bad. Almost.

She feels something cold on her neck.

"Lord Sesshomaru."

He stares at her.

"I'll miss you." Is all she says, closing her eyes. Hopefully he'll know better than to go messing with the dead again. She's afraid what'll happen to her then.

"It's better this way," she says, "I want you to remember me young and pretty." He doesn't laugh, he never does. It was more for her benefit, anyways.

When he finally replies she doesn't hear. A familiar hand had settled on her neck, reminding her.

She dies with a purpose.

…

You were born for one whole purpose. You were born to die. Nothing will change that. What a contradiction, eh?

It doesn't matter though. Death never gets bored. And the living always lose.

* * *

For a man who owns a sword that brings back lives Sesshomaru knows nothing of the dead.

Eventually, he'll learn.

**A/N:** Hey, thanks for reading. Please review and tell me what you thought about it. I know that Sesshomaru actually brought more people back, but just ignore that for the sake of the story. Review!


End file.
